Today's Regroup

It has been an extremely emotional weekend, and today was even more emotional. We had our regroup today and it didn't start out well. ALL my numbers have gone in the wrong direction since we started the testing back in August. We have a 5% chance with IUI, and a 20% chance with IVF. Yes, 20% seems better than 5%, but not when it's going to cost $28,000+, and we get one chance. Due to my situation, the Dr. would do additional testing to make sure we have healthy embryos before placing them. If the embryos are not healthy when ready to place, we would then start all over. That would save us money since the embryos were not placed, but would for sure take us well over the $28,000. All this with only a %20 chance, plus the amount this process has already cost us. I don't like the odds. Not when adoption is an option and cost about $24,000. If we go through IVF, I don't know how we could come up with another $24,000 for adoption.

Adoption has been an option in the back of our minds, but not something we have really sat down and talked about. Last year when we began this process, we did meet with someone to talk about adoption and what is involved. It helped, but we weren't ready to put adoption on the table at that point. After this weekend, and what we found out today, it's time to give it a lot more thought. I personally accepted the option of adoption months ago. My husband has had a hard time excepting this option. Not because he wouldn't want to adopt, but because he really wants us to have a baby. I didn't realize the amount of stress this was putting on me till this weekend. I have to feel that I have another option and a backup plan. I have to feel I can say I'm done. No more testing, no more medications, NO  more blood drawn. I'm not saying that I'm at this point, but I wasn't feeling I had the option and that was putting an immense amount of pressure on me. I finally had to express how I felt to my husband, because I could feel myself getting bitter. I'm glad we talked before today's appointment.

So, we've decided even though there is only a 5% chance with IUI, there is still a small chance and the cost of IUI is a lot less money to take a chance on than IVF. The Dr. even felt more comfortable with this knowing our money situation. He has been honest with our chances of getting pregnant and he is going to do everything he can to give us better odds. I'm grateful we found the Dr. we found. He has been wonderful and honest throughout this entire process. The nurse we had today was also wonderful. My regular nurse is great, but she's a straight to the point type of person, which is fine, but today I needed a little compassion. I had a small melt down when we got to the room to go over the plan. It was needed and had been building up all weekend. The nurse was so kind and said, "5% may be a small chance, but it's still a chance and we've seen it happen." I will keep hope, but remain open to God's plan.

We are also going to start the steps for adoption. I feel good about our plan. I actually feel a bit free. I feel I now can truly turn it over to God. I will either give birth to our child, or we will adopt our child. I am at peace with whatever God has planned for us.