How do you like them apples? I post my first post and then disappear. I sure hope I didn't loose any readers.....all two. :)
Well, my disappearance wasn't because I'm pregnant, I'm not. I really didn't think I was, and I was also a little bit relieved. Of course, I would have been ecstatic if I was, but I still don't feel my body is up to the whole pregnancy thing. And yes, I do realize that my body may never feel up to it, but I've been trying to get fit before I get pregnant. Not necessarily to loose weight (although a nice plus), but to feel stronger. I know if I physically feel stronger, I will feel much more confident about enduring 9 months of pregnancy. I would also like my body to be nutritionally healthy. I've received criticism and negative responses from quite a few that I've told this to. "Your body is never going to be ready". I realize that I'm not going to be able to create a perfect 'house' for my baby. But I feel it is very important to get my body as ready as possible, especially at my age (38). I don't feel I've been extreme about this, but even if I was, I'd much rather be on the extreme end of wanting to have a healthy body for my baby than just not care at all. Oh and to the response, "Women get pregnant everyday that weren't planning and weren't' ready." Yes, I know, the difference is we are planning, so shouldn't that entail some 'planning'. Well, there's my brief vent on that.
Looks like I have another month to get my body ready. :)
Me
This journey begins with a lot of excitement and fears, which was the reason for this blog when I started it in 2010. It was meant to be an outlet for me, but after only two posts, I quickly realized I was a far more private person than I thought. Three years later, we are still on this journey and a lot has changed. I've come to realize that sharing this very personal journey may not only help me, but may help another woman going through the same thing.
A little about me. I've endured a lot of heart-break growing up. Through heart-aches I've gained strength, courage, faith, and the ability to laugh. I truly believe with God, loving friends and laughter, any soul can heal. I'm a strong and positive person, but I can feel this journey is testing the very person that I am. I'm grateful to have awesome women in my life walking with me. I'm also blessed with an amazing husband. I've had to be strong a lot in my life, but he has taken that burden from me, and I just couldn't be more grateful to have him as my husband.
A little about me. I've endured a lot of heart-break growing up. Through heart-aches I've gained strength, courage, faith, and the ability to laugh. I truly believe with God, loving friends and laughter, any soul can heal. I'm a strong and positive person, but I can feel this journey is testing the very person that I am. I'm grateful to have awesome women in my life walking with me. I'm also blessed with an amazing husband. I've had to be strong a lot in my life, but he has taken that burden from me, and I just couldn't be more grateful to have him as my husband.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
2010 Nausea
Yes, the title is nausea. The last few days I've been feeling an annoying amount of nausea. Do I think I'm pregnant? I don't want to think in order to avoid disappointment. Oh who am I kidding, it really wouldn't matter since either way I will feel disappointment if my cycle starts right on schedule as it does every month.
I've been charting my temperature and 'other' signs of ovulation since February. Although we haven't 'officially' been trying to have a baby yet, it's been more of a 'getting ready' for when we are ready. Make sense. Although I should note, it's been me who has needed to get ready. My husband has been on board with the having a baby thing a lot longer than I have. It seems strange and confusing to me. I've always wanted to be a mom. But I know the reality of what comes along with being a mom. The most daunting is the 9 months of having a growing human in my belly! (This is where to just appreciate my sarcasm.) I will have a living being growing and feeding off of my body for 9 months! I will no longer be just living for myself. I WILL have to watch what I eat, exercise, get enough sleep, and no stress. No stress? We'll just see how that goes. I will have to except getting fat, attempt to curve hormonal changes, deal with tiredness, heartburn, gas, etc. Oh, and in regards to hormonal changes, well that's just not going to be fun for anyone in my life. I'm the first to admit, I can sometimes be a bit abrasive (understatement of the century). I say what I think and give my opinion even when not asked. And if I think someone is acting like an idiot, I usually let them know it. I don't really always mean to, my mouth just goes before I can stop it. So this 'may' be heightened during pregnancy. And trust me, it's not me I feel sorry for, it's my husband! And I can almost guarantee I'll even say more than once, "I'm the one carrying this human being in my stomach for 9 months and then will have it attached to my boob for 6 months to a year!" I don't have much of a filter. And I'm not sure how realistic it will be to attempt to work on 'toning it down' while pregnant. I think maybe I should write my husband a letter and apologize in advance for any outrageous behavior that may occur during pregnancy.
The wonderful moms I'm surrounded by were always so joyous and happy when they were pregnant. Never once did I hear them complain during their pregnancy. Which is great. But it also sucks because I get a little bit mis-understood when I talk about the 'stuff' I'm not that excited about. I really am beyond excited about the thought of having a baby, but come on, do I have to be excited about every single aspect of it? I do hope someone, anyone out there can relate. Is anyone there??? Not yet, okay...I'll wait.
Oh and then there's the BIG fear, which I will only mention once. What if.....what if I can't get pregnant. Then I feel guilty for not being excited about every little detail of having a baby. But I will stop there and never mention this again.
Okay, back to nausea. This is the first 'official' month my husband and I followed the charting I've been doing. Of course it is possible that I could be pregnant, but I know the reality and the likelihood we would get pregnant on the first try is, well...not that likely. But of course there is an itsy bitsy part of me that hopes. So now I feel like the journey has truly begun. Now the waiting every month for my cycle 'not' to start and taking the pregnancy tests. I'm a control freak, and not having control over the 'when' I will get pregnant is beyond intolerable! I have a feeling I'm going to be learning more about myself on this journey than I have ever before.
I will leave with saying, I can't wait for that day when I get to tell my husband he is going to be a daddy. I get teary eyed just thinking about it.
I've been charting my temperature and 'other' signs of ovulation since February. Although we haven't 'officially' been trying to have a baby yet, it's been more of a 'getting ready' for when we are ready. Make sense. Although I should note, it's been me who has needed to get ready. My husband has been on board with the having a baby thing a lot longer than I have. It seems strange and confusing to me. I've always wanted to be a mom. But I know the reality of what comes along with being a mom. The most daunting is the 9 months of having a growing human in my belly! (This is where to just appreciate my sarcasm.) I will have a living being growing and feeding off of my body for 9 months! I will no longer be just living for myself. I WILL have to watch what I eat, exercise, get enough sleep, and no stress. No stress? We'll just see how that goes. I will have to except getting fat, attempt to curve hormonal changes, deal with tiredness, heartburn, gas, etc. Oh, and in regards to hormonal changes, well that's just not going to be fun for anyone in my life. I'm the first to admit, I can sometimes be a bit abrasive (understatement of the century). I say what I think and give my opinion even when not asked. And if I think someone is acting like an idiot, I usually let them know it. I don't really always mean to, my mouth just goes before I can stop it. So this 'may' be heightened during pregnancy. And trust me, it's not me I feel sorry for, it's my husband! And I can almost guarantee I'll even say more than once, "I'm the one carrying this human being in my stomach for 9 months and then will have it attached to my boob for 6 months to a year!" I don't have much of a filter. And I'm not sure how realistic it will be to attempt to work on 'toning it down' while pregnant. I think maybe I should write my husband a letter and apologize in advance for any outrageous behavior that may occur during pregnancy.
The wonderful moms I'm surrounded by were always so joyous and happy when they were pregnant. Never once did I hear them complain during their pregnancy. Which is great. But it also sucks because I get a little bit mis-understood when I talk about the 'stuff' I'm not that excited about. I really am beyond excited about the thought of having a baby, but come on, do I have to be excited about every single aspect of it? I do hope someone, anyone out there can relate. Is anyone there??? Not yet, okay...I'll wait.
Oh and then there's the BIG fear, which I will only mention once. What if.....what if I can't get pregnant. Then I feel guilty for not being excited about every little detail of having a baby. But I will stop there and never mention this again.
Okay, back to nausea. This is the first 'official' month my husband and I followed the charting I've been doing. Of course it is possible that I could be pregnant, but I know the reality and the likelihood we would get pregnant on the first try is, well...not that likely. But of course there is an itsy bitsy part of me that hopes. So now I feel like the journey has truly begun. Now the waiting every month for my cycle 'not' to start and taking the pregnancy tests. I'm a control freak, and not having control over the 'when' I will get pregnant is beyond intolerable! I have a feeling I'm going to be learning more about myself on this journey than I have ever before.
I will leave with saying, I can't wait for that day when I get to tell my husband he is going to be a daddy. I get teary eyed just thinking about it.
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