Miscarriage

I got blood work today and my numbers have not gone up enough. I will again miscarry. I'm devastated. I'm confused. I'm angry. I'm heart broken and so many other feelings right now. Why?! It may have been very brief, but I got to feel pregnant. I got to enjoy the the thought of the idea. And it's all been taken away. Just like that. Gone. Now what? I feel broken. I know this has to pass, but I feel like I won't be okay for a very long time. I was ready for adoption before this. I had moved on. I was okay. I don't understand why it would even be necessary to have to go through this. Why? The worst part is I can feel my faith being tested. I know God wants good for me, so why am I meant to go through this. I know the answer, but it's doesn't take the pain and anger away. Just let me move on! Don't lift me up to bring me back down. I know in my heart this isn't God trying to hurt me. I know someday down the road I will feel different than I do today and all my questions will have been answered. But today, I'm hurt and I'm angry.

Spotting

I woke up at about  5am needing to use the restroom and I'm spotting!! I'm freaking out. I got a hold of a nurse and she said spotting can be perfectly normal. I wish that was comforting, but it's not. I also have no more symptoms. Just like that, they are gone! She tried saying that could be normal too, but she wasn't very believable. I could tell she was just trying to make me feell better till I can come in tomorrow to get blood work. I want to be positive, but I can just feel something is wrong.

Enjoying This

The wonderful hubby brought me some beautiful flowers yesterday. :) Our baby is settling in and the size of a sesame seed. The nausea has already started and by breasts hurt!! Sorry for the directness, but oh wow do they hurt! It's so hard to believe this is all real. It won't truly feel real till we get to hear the heartbeat. Our appointment for that is set for the first week of December. I can't wait!

Pregnant!!

We are pregnant!! I took a blood test today and my numbers look good! We are going to have a July baby! I can't even believe it. Although, by the time you see this post, I will be 3 months. I'm saving this as a draft for  now. We are only telling family. Since I'm a high risk for miscarriage, it's better to just let family know.

I know I need to wait to make any plans or start a baby register till the 3 month mark, but it's hard not to! I'm a planner and I want to plan. ;) I won't do any planning, but I do know a baby show will be happening in Los Angeles! :) That's it for now.

Positive!!

Just when you think you have a plan, everything changes. My cycle hadn't started, so I took another pregnancy test. Positive! I can't even believe it. I'm trying not to get too excited. I go in tomorrow for a blood test.

Negative Again

Took a pregnancy test today and it was negative. I'm okay. It just means adoption is in God's plan for us. Now to get the ball rolling!! I'm exited about this new journey. We still have a little waiting to do though. We can't get started with the process till we attend the seminar. So more to come in January of 2014! :)

Seminar

We won't be able to make this next adoption seminar. This time of year is just too hard for Chris and I to take off work. It's the busy season for both of us. I'm disappointed, but I'm trusting God's plan. The next one is the end of January. What better way to start out the new year, right? Of course, there is always the chance I could be pregnant. I just don't want to focus on that.