Me
This journey begins with a lot of excitement and fears, which was the reason for this blog when I started it in 2010. It was meant to be an outlet for me, but after only two posts, I quickly realized I was a far more private person than I thought. Three years later, we are still on this journey and a lot has changed. I've come to realize that sharing this very personal journey may not only help me, but may help another woman going through the same thing.
A little about me. I've endured a lot of heart-break growing up. Through heart-aches I've gained strength, courage, faith, and the ability to laugh. I truly believe with God, loving friends and laughter, any soul can heal. I'm a strong and positive person, but I can feel this journey is testing the very person that I am. I'm grateful to have awesome women in my life walking with me. I'm also blessed with an amazing husband. I've had to be strong a lot in my life, but he has taken that burden from me, and I just couldn't be more grateful to have him as my husband.
A little about me. I've endured a lot of heart-break growing up. Through heart-aches I've gained strength, courage, faith, and the ability to laugh. I truly believe with God, loving friends and laughter, any soul can heal. I'm a strong and positive person, but I can feel this journey is testing the very person that I am. I'm grateful to have awesome women in my life walking with me. I'm also blessed with an amazing husband. I've had to be strong a lot in my life, but he has taken that burden from me, and I just couldn't be more grateful to have him as my husband.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Miscarriage
I got blood work today and my numbers have not gone up enough. I will again miscarry. I'm devastated. I'm confused. I'm angry. I'm heart broken and so many other feelings right now. Why?! It may have been very brief, but I got to feel pregnant. I got to enjoy the the thought of the idea. And it's all been taken away. Just like that. Gone. Now what? I feel broken. I know this has to pass, but I feel like I won't be okay for a very long time. I was ready for adoption before this. I had moved on. I was okay. I don't understand why it would even be necessary to have to go through this. Why? The worst part is I can feel my faith being tested. I know God wants good for me, so why am I meant to go through this. I know the answer, but it's doesn't take the pain and anger away. Just let me move on! Don't lift me up to bring me back down. I know in my heart this isn't God trying to hurt me. I know someday down the road I will feel different than I do today and all my questions will have been answered. But today, I'm hurt and I'm angry.
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