Today my nerves are a wreck! We are already receiving medical bills we were told were covered, but turns out they are not. We also finally got the amount of the surgery I need. Moving forward has me freaking out a little. The breakdown of what all this is going to cost is incredibly overwhelming.
Surgery: $6,450.00 (estimate)
IVF: $17,900.00
Coordination and Care Fee: $926.50
Medications: up to $7,000
Anesthesia: $400.00
Total: 32,676.50
I'm not sure what the hardest part about all this is, but I do think it's the financial aspect. Taking out this much money is going to make things hard. Very hard. When we were at the Dr.'s office and he was going over all the costs, I just wanted to
start laughing! Really. I wanted to, but I refrained. Laughing is a bit
of a coping mechanism for me. I was worried if I started laughing, I'd
end up crying and the Dr. would think I was nuts. And the money has increased substantially since that visit. I know the money will all be worth it, but it's hard to wrap my mind around. Of course, the bigger fear is what if we don't get approved for a loan.
I have a lot of fears and get caught up in the 'what ifs'.
What if they find something unexpected in surgery?
What if IVF doesn't take the first time?
What if my eggs aren't healthy enough?
What if I don't have enough healthy eggs for IVF a second time if the first time doesn't work?
What if IVF doesn't take a second time?
What if we can't get a loan?
What if we can't get any more money if IVF doesn't work the first time?
What if we go through all of the above, IVF doesn't work, how would we then afford adoption?
I know, I have to let go of it all, but it's not easy. Some days are better than others. Today is a hard day and my eyes will not stop welling up with tears. I am thankful that I have more good days than bad. I'm surrounded by a lot of love and support which carries me through the bad days. I'm thankful to have such amazing friends and an amazing husband. My husband has truly been my rock through this. Every time I get caught up in the 'what ifs' he tells me, "one way or another, we WILL figure this out." I love him. I'm grateful for his strength when I'm not feeling so strong. So, even though today has been hard with off and on tears, I am grateful for so much.
Me
This journey begins with a lot of excitement and fears, which was the reason for this blog when I started it in 2010. It was meant to be an outlet for me, but after only two posts, I quickly realized I was a far more private person than I thought. Three years later, we are still on this journey and a lot has changed. I've come to realize that sharing this very personal journey may not only help me, but may help another woman going through the same thing.
A little about me. I've endured a lot of heart-break growing up. Through heart-aches I've gained strength, courage, faith, and the ability to laugh. I truly believe with God, loving friends and laughter, any soul can heal. I'm a strong and positive person, but I can feel this journey is testing the very person that I am. I'm grateful to have awesome women in my life walking with me. I'm also blessed with an amazing husband. I've had to be strong a lot in my life, but he has taken that burden from me, and I just couldn't be more grateful to have him as my husband.
A little about me. I've endured a lot of heart-break growing up. Through heart-aches I've gained strength, courage, faith, and the ability to laugh. I truly believe with God, loving friends and laughter, any soul can heal. I'm a strong and positive person, but I can feel this journey is testing the very person that I am. I'm grateful to have awesome women in my life walking with me. I'm also blessed with an amazing husband. I've had to be strong a lot in my life, but he has taken that burden from me, and I just couldn't be more grateful to have him as my husband.