Last IUI

Today is our last IUI. I feel good! I feel calm. I feel as if I will be okay with what ever happens. I'm turning it over to God. If we get pregnant, great! If we don't, then God's plan for us is adoption which will be just as much of a beautiful experience. What we want most, is to be parents. However this comes to be, we will be happy and feel blessed.

A New Direction

I'm feeling a lot better after my last blog post. A break is just what I needed. I'm coming to terms that conceiving a child just may not happen for us, and that's okay. Conceiving a child is not the only way to start a family. There is adoption. Something we talk about frequently. In 2012 we even met with someone regarding adoption to get more information. In August of this year we were referred to an adoption agency and have connected with them. We have to attend their seminar before we can start the process. We wanted to attend their August seminar, but my husband wasn't able to miss work the dates of the seminar. We're  planning on attending the November one. I really feel this is the direction God is leading us to. My husband isn't there just yet. He's open to it, but still is really hoping we can conceive. When we started the infertility process, we agreed to do 3 IUI's and I need to stick to our plan. Closure is important for both of us and I know for my husband he needs to follow through with what we initially agreed on.

So, we'll be doing one more IUI and that's it. I'm actually smiling again with the thought of moving on to adoption. :)

Need a Break

We are taking a break this month from doing another IUI. I'm really struggling emotionally. I'm wanting to understand why we are going through this and I know there is no answer. I know God is in charge, but I really wish I was in charge. I'm having a really hard time letting go. I'm moody and extremely sensitive right now. I just have to step back and take a small break to get centered again. I need to get connected with God again. It is only with God's strength and grace that I can get through this.

Negative Test

Today was the day to take a pregnancy test which also happens to be my husband's birthday. Wouldn't it have been an amazing birthday to get a positive test. It sucks. This all just really sucks!!! I'm happy we are going out for his birthday with some very wonderful friends this evening. Tonight we will still celebrate. We will celebrate the wonderful man that I married, whom I love so much.

IUI #2

Today is IUI 2. I feel a little numb this time around. I want to be as excited as the first IUI, but I'm just not. I'm not down either. I guess I'm just at a loss and don't know how to feel. Not much of an update with this IUI>

Blood Work

Today has been an awful day. I went in for blood work and my numbers were to low. The pregnancy will not stick. My body is gong to reject the pregnancy and I will miscarry. I just went from being on cloud nine to....I don't even have the words. I made signs for my dogs to tell my husband! Why did I do that. I'm sure the nurse warned me to wait till the blood test, but I guess I didn't hear it or ignored it. Not much more to say today.

Positive Pregnancy Test

Took a pregnancy test today and got a positive. I'm so excited! I couldn't stop crying. Tears of joy of course. If only video could have been taken, but it was just me. My husband is at work and I wanted to find a cute way to tell him I'm pregnant. So, I made signs for our dogs Avie and Asher. Avie had a sign that said, "Momma's Pregnant" and Asher's sign said, "What's a Baby?". Asher has been around kids, but not a baby yet. So, I thought that would be a cute sign for him. The hubs came home and I waited for him to read the sign. He was just as excited, obviously. :) Tomorrow I go in for a blood test.

IUI Today!

I got up at 6:30am! I just couldn't sleep anymore. I'm so full of emotions, the most being incredibly happy and excited to finally be at this point. I feel hopefully and incredibly grateful this morning. I'm not allowing any fears to even enter my mind. I'm filling my mind and body with positive thoughts and energy. It's in God's hands and I trust the plan he has for me. The nurse even gave me a wonderful compliment and said my positive energy was refreshing. :) I can't stop grinning today.

The procedure wasn't too terrible. The nurse did have a hard time finding my cervix. She went through 3 different clamps and even had to leave to get advise from another nurse. I had to raise my leg in a very awkward position for her to find my cervix. It was uncomfortable, but not painful, which was a huge relief.

Now we wait. Wait. *sigh* I'm not good at waiting. I'm excited, nervous and anxious all at the same time. I feel very positive though. Why wouldn't this work, right? That's what I'm choosing to believe.

Surge

Everything has changed!! I don't think I've mentioned I'm also doing ovulation testing. The nurse told me to continue with ovulation testing which they have me doing after 3pm with nothing to drink between 12pm and 3pm. I had a surge today. I called the nurse immediately and IUI is happening tomorrow! I sure hope you can hear my excitement.

My husband will go in at 7:30am to do a sperm collection. Or as he said, "I'll leave my sperm at the door for you." Ha! I love that I have a funny husband. :) They will do a sperm wash prior to the IUI. A sperm wash separates motile and healthy sperm from the non-motile and unhealthy sperm. It also separates the sperm from the semen. I had no idea that sperm and semen where two different things. They will only inject sperm into the uterus. Inserting the semen could cause infection.

I will then go in at 9am for the IUI! I'm thinking of asking them if they could just hang me upside down for a few hours. ;)

It's out of my hands. It's in God's hands. I trust whatever God has planned for us. 

I had another ultrasound this morning. My follicles have grown, but they are not ready just yet. Everything looks great though. I have 3 follicles that are close together. The nurse said with the follicles this close together, there is a chance for 3!! Yes, triplets. My response was, I am just fine with that!! She then proceeded to tell me that I would be considered a high risk for triplets and that it would not only put the other 2 at risk, but could also put my life at risk. :/ The chances are still slim, so we will cross that bridge if it happens. I do hope it's not a bridge I have to cross.

Today my follicles were at 15, 16 and 18 (if I'm remembering correctly). I go back in for another ultrasound on Thursday morning and if they are at 20, I will get a pop shot and IUI will happen on Friday! A pop shot triggers (pops) the eggs and pushes them to ovulation. I initially was going to possibly have to give myself the pop shot. I didn't even really flinch at the idea. I've grown in so many areas during this process. A year ago if you had told me I would have to give myself a shot, I might of fainted. ;)

I'm happy. I'm hopeful. I'm excited to finally be at this part of the process.