Next Step...IUI

I know many have been wondering what has been going on since surgery. Well, we had to wait...again, so I checked out mentally and emotionally for a bit. This entire process becomes so overwhelming, that I sometimes just need to take a break from it, especially when we have to wait again before moving forward.

Some good news, surgery went great! I also handled it very well. :) This is a biggie since Dr.'s, hospitals, needles ...well, it all pretty much freaks me out. I'm a very big wimp in this area. I'm grateful for wonderful friends that constantly reminded me the importance of staying positive considering I was going under. Apparently I did tear up when they started to wheel me in, but I was already drugged up, so I don't remember. My husband said I started to tear up and the nurse asked me what was wrong and I said, "Don't worry, I'm fine, it's just me." ha!

So, surgery.....I don't remember a thing! ;) The first thing I remember waking up from the anesthesia is my Dr. talking to the nurse and hearing him say, "When she wakes up, let her know her other tube is open....." That's when I cried and said "That's the best news I've heard through all of this." That truly is the best news I've heard through all of this. The results from my HSG test weren't clear if my right tube was blocked or open. So, what does this mean? It means we can try artificial insemination (IUI) before IVF!!! This of course is not cheap, but it's A LOT less than IVF. If this works, we wouldn't be paying off loans for the next 6-7 years!! Especially since it seems nothing is the amount we are told. Same with surgery. I'm so grateful to those that donated to our fund. This has been a true blessing and has really helped. It's very frustrating when you not only have health insurance, but pay a hefty amount per month and when needed, we can't use it. Frustrating. It is what it is though and with everything else going on, I just have to accept it and not get worked up about it.

Recovery from surgery was absolutely terrible! The Dr. said I should be up in about 3 days. NO! I wasn't! I still couldn't walk on day 3. I have two friends that have gone through a similar surgery, so I called them and it took them 2 weeks to recover. Both who have a very high tolerance to pain. Not sure why my doctor told me 3 days. Of course when I called, he said everyone recovers at a different speed. Way to make me feel inadequate  ;) *sarcasim* Thank goodness for my wonderful husband who took such good care of me.

Moving forward, again. While we waited I used an ovulation testing kit to see if I was at least ovulating. It's more complicated now with one tube. I did ovulate the month after surgery, but this last month I did not. This was very discouraging which makes it difficult to remain positive. I feel as if nothing has been going our way, so will this?? I know, terrible attitude. I know this. I'm trying to pull myself back around, but it's hard. I want so bad to be a mom and it's hard not to get stuck in fear.  It's hard to turn it over. I'm not in control of this and for anyone who knows me, I like to be in control. This is completely out of my hands. I'm a women of faith; I know I need to turn it over, trust and most importantly, not live in fear. Fear is the enemy. I know all this, but sometimes, it's hard to let go. So, a little something I learned many years ago....fake it. Fake it till you make it. And that's exactly what I'm doing right now.

I'm going back for testing this morning. Another ultrasound and more blood work. They need to check my follicle count and LH levels. Depending on the results, I may have to take supplements to improve my chances with IUI. I already made the mistake of googling the side effects. Of course I did. I won't even bother going into that since it's unknown if I will need them. It's likely since I'm over 40, but I'm not there yet.

I ask for prayer again. Please pray that IUI works. That's the prayer I want, but I know the prayer I need most is for strength and acceptance. The strength to accept whatever happens.